The 4 Absolutes of Being a Good Parent of a Young Athlete
I would venture to say that just about all parents of young athletes want the absolute best for their kids. That is not something I believe could become a legitimate debate. The debate begins when the subject of how to be a good parent gets mentioned. There are an almost infinite number of scenarios and angles to look at this topic... but just like in Hitting Mechanics, there are absolutes in being good parents of young athletes.
1. Remembering that it is their life, their likes, their "want to's" , their time, their dreams... not your life, your likes, your "want to's", your time or your dreams. We all want our kids to be good at what they do, enjoy what they do, learn from what they do and have and chase dreams.
But here is the hard truth from 40 years deeply entrenched in youth athletics.Too many parents are living their own dreams through there kid. I'm not going to write a report on the psychology of this but by observation, it happens often and it is UGLY at times. Both parties lose.
I have a good friend and fellow coach that has a set of rules he follows as far as his coach-parent dynamic. One rule he spoke of was that he is behind his son/athlete 100% no matter what he decides...to play, not to play, to pursue outside interests. But whatever he chooses, it is 100% effort... no quitting, never missing a workout, practice, game or any individual or team function.
One of his sons is a legitimate college baseball player with a chance to play professionally. He could very easily turn his dream of watching his son play Major League Baseball into a full court press that dominates every minute of time they spend together... forcing his dream on his son. He does not ever mention anything except doing his best every day. Which creates the best support system his son can have.
Maybe that is the coach in him but what is is for sure is quality parenting.
2. Understanding your kid or any other NEVER TRIES TO DO BAD.
This may seem obvious but, it's the reaction by parents to lack of production, the parents reaction to the lack of perceived lack of effort ... yelling from stands, the "death stare" from the stands, the constant barking of instructions from outside the fence to fix the "problem", rumbling in the stands about this kid or that kid not doing well, the "talks" on the way home from the game.
When I first started coaching, my old high school baseball coach pulled me aside and told me this exact quote,"Remember, no kid ever tries to do badly".
This is not to say at times, your kids need to be talked to, sternly at times but understanding there is a time, place and way to address these scenarios... and the place isn't on the field during the contest.
Learn how you can help them and help them do better... and they will get better. The reactions mentioned are not the way to fix your young athletes struggles. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
3. Be a supporter. Most young athletes have herds of support... parents, brothers, sisters, grandmas and grandpas. But I have run into several young athletes with empty supporter seats at each game.
When I find out it is the norm, rather than the exception, it can be heart breaking.
I know it can be tough to be at every game. nearly impossible for most because of that four letter word we all share! In 2015, there are ways to be a supporter even if you are not present... a phone call, a text, a note in the morning before you leave for work... PLEASE LISTEN to this... If you don't know how important it is for you to be a supporter of your young athlete, it is DIRE!!!
I have seen it in every corner of the states at every level in many different sports. Being a young athlete is a beautiful thing but it can be nerve wracking, mentally tough and butterflies populate these kids stomachs in flocks!! Having someone in the stands for them to just glance at can be just what they need! Waking up to a good luck letter from Mom can bring a smile the size of Texas to a youngsters face that will carry them through the game. And the ever popular text just letting them know you wish you were there can do wonders.
Again, be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
4. Stay off! The field, the court, the ice, etc.
Unless there is an emergency, I can't think of one positive reason for a parent to ever be on the field of play.
First of all, I have never witnessed a young athlete see their parent come onto the field of play and get really, really happy!
That embarrasses most, if not all young athletes.
If you need to talk to a coach or administrator, make an appointment to meet them away from the kids...especially your kid! No matter if you are the best coach, motivator, etc (the reason you went on field), your kid or the others do not want you on the field...not to mention the coaching staff and officials won't be pleased.
Be invisible unless you are being a supporter.Your kid will appreciate that.
For all you wonderful parents, a huge thank you. For you parents that may be able to get a little better, well let's get to work. Your young athlete will grow up and become an adult and look back at a wonderful athletic experience and you will be a big reason why!
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| Smiling Young Athletes |
But here is the hard truth from 40 years deeply entrenched in youth athletics.Too many parents are living their own dreams through there kid. I'm not going to write a report on the psychology of this but by observation, it happens often and it is UGLY at times. Both parties lose.
I have a good friend and fellow coach that has a set of rules he follows as far as his coach-parent dynamic. One rule he spoke of was that he is behind his son/athlete 100% no matter what he decides...to play, not to play, to pursue outside interests. But whatever he chooses, it is 100% effort... no quitting, never missing a workout, practice, game or any individual or team function.
One of his sons is a legitimate college baseball player with a chance to play professionally. He could very easily turn his dream of watching his son play Major League Baseball into a full court press that dominates every minute of time they spend together... forcing his dream on his son. He does not ever mention anything except doing his best every day. Which creates the best support system his son can have.
Maybe that is the coach in him but what is is for sure is quality parenting.
2. Understanding your kid or any other NEVER TRIES TO DO BAD.
This may seem obvious but, it's the reaction by parents to lack of production, the parents reaction to the lack of perceived lack of effort ... yelling from stands, the "death stare" from the stands, the constant barking of instructions from outside the fence to fix the "problem", rumbling in the stands about this kid or that kid not doing well, the "talks" on the way home from the game.
When I first started coaching, my old high school baseball coach pulled me aside and told me this exact quote,"Remember, no kid ever tries to do badly".
This is not to say at times, your kids need to be talked to, sternly at times but understanding there is a time, place and way to address these scenarios... and the place isn't on the field during the contest.
Learn how you can help them and help them do better... and they will get better. The reactions mentioned are not the way to fix your young athletes struggles. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
3. Be a supporter. Most young athletes have herds of support... parents, brothers, sisters, grandmas and grandpas. But I have run into several young athletes with empty supporter seats at each game.
When I find out it is the norm, rather than the exception, it can be heart breaking.
I know it can be tough to be at every game. nearly impossible for most because of that four letter word we all share! In 2015, there are ways to be a supporter even if you are not present... a phone call, a text, a note in the morning before you leave for work... PLEASE LISTEN to this... If you don't know how important it is for you to be a supporter of your young athlete, it is DIRE!!!
I have seen it in every corner of the states at every level in many different sports. Being a young athlete is a beautiful thing but it can be nerve wracking, mentally tough and butterflies populate these kids stomachs in flocks!! Having someone in the stands for them to just glance at can be just what they need! Waking up to a good luck letter from Mom can bring a smile the size of Texas to a youngsters face that will carry them through the game. And the ever popular text just letting them know you wish you were there can do wonders.
Again, be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
4. Stay off! The field, the court, the ice, etc.
Unless there is an emergency, I can't think of one positive reason for a parent to ever be on the field of play.
First of all, I have never witnessed a young athlete see their parent come onto the field of play and get really, really happy!
That embarrasses most, if not all young athletes.
If you need to talk to a coach or administrator, make an appointment to meet them away from the kids...especially your kid! No matter if you are the best coach, motivator, etc (the reason you went on field), your kid or the others do not want you on the field...not to mention the coaching staff and officials won't be pleased.
Be invisible unless you are being a supporter.Your kid will appreciate that.
For all you wonderful parents, a huge thank you. For you parents that may be able to get a little better, well let's get to work. Your young athlete will grow up and become an adult and look back at a wonderful athletic experience and you will be a big reason why!
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